Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
