i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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