I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
