Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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