break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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