Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I believe in your delicious
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
