At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
