I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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