I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
