No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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