I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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