So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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