I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
