It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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