my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
