I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
