It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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