I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
