white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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