The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
