I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
