You're a womanizer and a bitch.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
