my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
