and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
