Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
