Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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