Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
