My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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