I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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