im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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