at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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