I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Such a big mess for such a small penis
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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