I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
