I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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