I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
