I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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