He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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