So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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