genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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