can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
