Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
