bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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