bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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