Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
