i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think your dad took our porno
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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