plz talk dirty to me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
