I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
