god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
