I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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