the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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