She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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