Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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