So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
