Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
