someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
