Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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