I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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