I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
