he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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