Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
