I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
